Pink Moon Rising

I’ve had an ugly head and chest cold this week.  There are so many things I could say about that, but you’ve all experienced the congestion, the coughing, the sneezing, the phlegm!  The thing that is hanging on, and really bothering me at the end of this virus, is this:  I can’t smell or taste anything! UGH! Been there?

I have a hot cup of green ginger tea with honey next to me as I write today, but those sips are tasting like…well…hot water.  I know the tea and honey are doing good things in my throat, but the joy of tasting is not there. 

I know my son made breakfast today, complete with bacon and fried potatoes. However, I cannot smell any of it.  It makes a difference.

I am diffusing Thieves© Essential Oil all over the house so that our immune systems can get built up, the house can be disinfected, and Thieves also dissolves excess mucus. I’ve been oiling with RC © and Raven© Essential Oils, too. These are all strongly scented oils, but I can’t smell them at all.

Sometimes, I can get so caught up in the busy-ness of life that when something happens that slows me down, I get frustrated.  Can you relate?  😉 The day-to-day routine takes over and I forget to enjoy the in-between joys.  We all know we are supposed to stop and smell the roses, so why don’t we do it more? 

Today, even if I wanted to, I would not be able to smell any roses.  I know this virus will work itself out of my body eventually.  The cough and congestion will end and my life will resume.  I may just put a reminder to myself about a month out on my calendar to stop and smell…pay attention to…the scents of life and joy.

Mark your calendars for Friday morning, April 19, just before dawn to go outside and take a look at the Pink Moon! Have a blessed day.

Panda's Birth Story

Birth stories: do you know yours? It's those bits of information that your parents share around your birthdays. I still like hearing my Mom tell about how the maternity ward was being remodeled so I was born in the men's ward of the hospital. It's kind of grounding to hear the stories about those first days.

Panda turns 32 this week.  My firstborn.  We call her our Angel Baby; Man of the House made You Are My Special Angel her song. I've been thinking about her birth story:

April 3, 1987, was your due date. Your Dad was leading music at a weekend revival service in Phoenix   We left our house knowing we would be bringing our baby back with us. 

We were staying in someone else's house, sleeping on a waterbed. I'd never slept on a waterbed, so it was so uncomfortable!  LOL  But they were being so sweet and generous that I couldn't tell them. I felt like a beached whale and couldn't move all night. 

 April 6, 1987: what a long day that was! We went to the doctor first thing that morning and he did something to soften my cervix so it would dilate. Then, we walked. LOL

First it was the Fiesta Mall in Mesa. Your Dad finally realized we were having a baby and spent tons of money in the toy and book stores. We ran into an old friend from college there and she said I didn't look big enough to be having a baby yet. That made me smile. As the day wore on, I became increasingly more uncomfortable, but every time we checked back into the hospital, they said, "Not Yet."

Our next adventure was a visit to Home Depot/ They were fairly new at the time and being who he is, Your Dad wandered the aisles like a drug addict in a pot field.  I sat on the edge of the wood piles and rubbed my tummy.

It was close to dark by now, and Your Dad decided we should check out Show Biz Pizza (which is now Chuck E Cheese's).  By now, you were making your move and I had no appetite. I kept going to the restroom.  One trip, one of the celebrity guests was in the hallway by the restrooms. It was Ladmo of the Wallace & Ladmo Show. He saw my distress and wished me well, which I thought was kind of him. 

As we left the pizza place, I reclined my seat and told Your Dad that he needed to get me to the hospital.  Not wanting to be sent away again, he decided to stop at a softball park and watch a few innings of girls' softball to pass the time.  I was not interested,

The reason we kept getting sent away from Labor & Delivery, we found out later, was due to "copy-cat contractions." I was having contractions every 5 minutes - 3 minutes - 5 minutes - 3 minutes and so they weren't thought of as consistent. The last time we went back, I was having difficulty breathing through the contractions and couldn't talk.  They finally admitted me.

Grandmom & Granddad drove up and got there in time for My Dad to pray one great Baptist prayer (that's what the nurse called it) over us before I went into the last part of active labor.

April 7, 1987: You decided to do a major flip before making your full entrance and this made your umbilical cord warp around your neck. Your heart rate decreased significantly and everyone went into full medical mode. . The birthing room was instantly changed into a surgery room, complete with instruments nearby.  The seasoned doctor cut your cord and said he would give me three chances to push and then he would do a c-section if you still weren't out. So, with everything I had, I pushed.

At 3:13 A.M. Your Dad says you shot out of there like a cannon. There was a pillow under the doctor's hands but he caught you. LOL  You cried.  I asked, "Who is it?"  They brought  you to me and you stuck out your lower lip in a pout and then began to wail.  We'd had quite a day and night and we were both tired and ready to sleep! 

Later that day, family and friends came to see you and everyone was so excited to have you here!  I held you and fed you and I remember thinking, "I have a best friend now for the rest of my  life." 

Spring is Coming!

I’ve been watching a pair of cardinals build a nest in a tree out back.  The shot of red as they pass a window catches my eye.  It’s been a forever-long winter this year, with enough snow and rain to overfill the rivers and keep the trees bare of leaves.  Yet, these two redbirds know that spring is on its way, and so are the little cardinal babies that will hatch in this nest.  Their instincts are stronger than their sight.  They continue to gather the materials to build a strong nest They picked the perfect spot where two branches come together to keep the wind from knocking their hard work to the ground.  And, above all, they sing while they work.  They sound excited and happy as they sing out to each other.  Soon, one will be looking for food while the other keeps the eggs warm.

I’m eager to hear the sounds of baby cardinals in the trees.  By then, the leaves will be out and the branches will be full.  We won’t be able to see the nest anymore, but we’ll hear the sounds of life.  And, if I’m lucky, and I pay attention, I may have the privilege of seeing a few little cardinals fly out of the tree and begin to explore the world.

The Year of Babies

There are some years that seem to come and go with no significant happenings.  And then there are the ones in which I just hit January 1 knowing it’s going to be a special one.  We were blessed with two biological children, but because of friendships, have enjoyed being involved in the growing up of several “bonus” kids.  Now, as with ours, the kids are growing up and starting families of their own. It’s a blessed part of life, for sure.

This year is chock full of new babies!  We are so happy to be allowed to rejoice with each family as they bring new life to our world, and thankful to their grandparents for sharing them with us. 

This little bundle of joy was the first to be added to our circle of love, just before the new year.  She is so full of life, loves to explore, and seem to be unafraid.  Her parents are smitten with her, and I just love getting to be a part of her world. 

This handsome little boy has stolen hearts already.  He has a ready smile and such a sweet disposition. He is a special blessing in a transition time for his family, which is God’s way, isn’t it!

This bundle of sugar was a welcome surprise for all of us that love her family.  She has a passle of siblings that loved her before they saw her, and she can’t get enough of them, either.  Her smile is super sweet, and she is one of the most content newborns I’ve ever known.

If these bundles of sweetness don’t give you a hint of how much I cherish new life, let me just make it very clear.  When my own babies were tiny, I came across this Bible verse:  Children are a treasure from the Lord. (Psalm 127:3)  Treasure!  Like an inherited heirloom.  A gift that has been carefully handed to us, intentionally, to be treasured and nurtured and protected.  To be shared with caution, which is why it is so special to me when other families allow us to be a part of their children’s lives.

Now, this year, we will also be getting a special blessing in our own family.  Cowboy and Sweet Thing are bringing a little bit of Sunshine to our lives in October.  We are beyond excited to have another grandbaby to love and watch grow.  I know Little Bit will be a great big sister; she is already planning!

The treasure of children just keeps giving.  We receive the blessings of watching their personalities form.  We get hugs, cuddles, games, jokes, special “just us” moments together. We get to watch as they make life decisions and then…they give us grandchildren!

I enjoy putting artwork on the frig in my kitchen from any of the wonderful blessings that pass through our circle of love. It reminds me that life goes on.  The empty nest doesn’t stay that way forever, even though it feels like it will.  I’m so grateful that God has chosen to bless us with these treasures in this Year of Babies.  Life does goes on.  Thank Heaven! 

Busy vs Lazy

If I found out my life was about to end, how would I react? Would I have done everything I was placed in this generation to do? Would I leave anything undone, unsaid, unnecessarily messy.  I’m sure everyone thinks this way once in a while, maybe more as we age. 

I’ve been convicted of my laziness.  Again.  You may laugh, or maybe you can bear witness with me.  It seems like our culture is one that makes us need to be constantly busy, and I don’t believe in busy-ness for busy’s sake.  (Grammar and spell check don’t like that at all!) As in everything in our world, there are extremes on the line of busy vs lazy. I am fully aware of that fact.  So where is the “sweet spot” between the two? 

We have many things that can take up our precious time that we didn’t have just a few years back.  However, laziness is nothing new.  Even in the Bible, in Psalms and Proverbs especially, laziness is compared to the diligence of the ant, that prepares her bread in the summer and gathers her food in harvest.  (Proverbs 6:8) The New Testament tells us that the things we do are to be done as to the Lord and that we are to run with endurance the race that is set before us.  (Ephesians and Hebrews) And even in 2 Thessalonians 3:10, Paul wrote these inspired words, “ For even when we were with you, this we commanded you:  that if any would not work, neither should he eat.” So, I know that “doing” is godly. 

We also like to pull out the Psalm that tells us to Be still! (Psalm 46:10) What could be more imperative than that? And other scriptures that remind us to listen first, hear God’s voice, and then walk in His ways.  (Isaiah 30:21)

I guess the balance then, is in the way we break up our times of quiet and business.  Are you, like me, a list maker?  Do you start your day checking the to-do list and at the end of the day do you flog yourself for what didn’t get done?  I have to ask myself why it didn’t get done.  Was it because of another necessary task that had to have priority?  Or was it facebook or tv that kept me from completing my list. 

When my children were at home, they always took priority over anything else I was doing.  I may have been in the middle of cleaning the bathroom, or some other task that needed finishing, but as soon as I could stop, they got my full attention.  I realized that the dust and dishes would still be there after they went to bed, and certainly after they left home.  But I also had the responsibility of keeping a sanitary and healthy environment in our home.  Sometimes, we did the chores together and had meaningful moments and talks in that time also.  So, don’t let my ramblings give you the impression that my children ruled my time.  It is a matter of recognizing the importance of each moment of the day.

As a homemaker, I certainly did not go gracefully into that empty nest.  I missed the interaction with my children so much it ached.  I even said out loud that I was “retired” as a mom. (My daughter corrected me often on this, by the way.)  And I found myself wondering what I was going to do with all this free time I now had.  What were the things I had “always” wanted to do?  The truth that kept coming back to me was that I had asked God to make me a wife and a mom; it was all I’d ever wanted, all I’d ever dreamed and day dreamed about. 

Depression and laziness are ugly stepsisters.  They come in and bark orders and giggle as you struggle through your days.  They call you names and make you feel “less than.”  And until you stand up to them like the bullies that they are, they will take over your every thought and action.  This was something I could not do alone.  And I am so very grateful that I have a God Who cares!  (1 Peter 5:7)  And even now, when I struggle with loneliness, I can turn to Him and He gives me strength to get up, move, do something. 

I think we all want to matter.  We all want to make a difference while we are here on planet earth. We may not know what that difference is until we see Jesus, but until then, we are called to be faithful.  I am called to be faithful.  Have I done everything I was placed in this generation to do?  Well, I will continue to walk one step at a time, in His grace, until He calls me home.  I will be sensitive to the conviction of the Holy Spirit when I am being lazy and, also, when I am overdoing it.  And when He calls me home, I will relax in His presence and continue to do His will for eternity.

Will I dance for you, Jesus?

One day in first grade, my young teacher had us lay down on drawing paper and she drew around us to create our silhouette. Then she told us to draw and color what we wanted to be “when we grew up.” The empty “canvas” did not scare me at all. I drew myself as a ballet dancer, pink tutu and all.  I proudly took my rolled-up-and-tied masterpiece home and Mom helped me tape it to the back of my bedroom door. It stayed there until the corners were so torn, they could not be taped up anymore and the paper had become discolored. 

As I grew, I realized I didn’t have the grace or the talent that it would take to be a ballerina. I left the twirling to the tiny dancer in my jewelry box and turned my sights on more left-brained career choices.  I never lost my fascination with the graceful art of ballet, though. I have yet to convince Man of the House that we need to see The Nutcracker Ballet, but each year I try.  I marvel at the raw talent of the children in recitals and watch with fascination as the few grow into graceful young ballerinas. 

Lately, I have been listening to music with almost a new ear.  I’ve been more intent on listening to the music itself rather than just enjoying the lyrics.  I don’t know music any better than I know ballet, but I’m learning to ride the highs and lows, the ins and outs, the passionate emphases of certain parts of the melody and recognize the balance that the harmony brings. 

So, it should have been no surprise when I woke from a beautiful dream a few nights ago in which a ballerina was dancing to a song that I’d been listening to over and over for a while.  But I was surprised. I woke with a feeling of fulfillment and peace in my heart, as if I had been the dancer. The song is a worship song that I’ve loved from the moment I heard it; it’s one that I sometimes sing along to and other times, I just listen and weep. 

Another song I love has these lyrics:

“Surrounded by Your glory
What will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you Jesus
Or in awe of You be still?
Will I stand in your presence
Or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing hallelujah
Will I be able to speak at all?”

Maybe my dream was my soul letting me know that I may one day be able to dance my worship, when I am finally in the presence of the Lover of my Soul. Jesus, I can’t wait for the day when my five-year-old self can gracefully praise You with the dance. 

Preparing for Family

As I prepare our home for the holiday season, I find myself anticipating the looks on the kids’ faces as they step into the house.  I’ve tried to make every room welcoming and I place little surprises around for them to find.  They could be reminders of holidays past or something I found on our travels that will bring a smile to their hearts. I move things around often, just to keep the house alive and “homey.”

Recently, one of them told me they feel like they finally have a “home.”  The same one that, as much as we all loved spending time with friends, would innocently look at me on a random Saturday morning and say, “Can it just be our family today?”  And we would circle the wagons for a while.

 

Funny thing about this life is that, as our family grows, “just our family” includes new people like A Sweet Thing, Little Bit, and others that may join our crew.  This family started with two imperfect people, some audacious dreams, and barely two pennies to scrape together and make a fire. The growth has been amazing, adventurous, and sometimes alarming. Because hearts and homes tend to grow when love fills them.

So, as the air cools off and the nights get longer, I’m decorating our home with our family in mind.  Because, truth be told, my heart, too, is refreshed when, sometimes, it’s “just our family today.”

Another Blessed Birthday

So, I’ve had another birthday, Praise God!  Another ride around the sun.  And I can say with full confidence that this has been a great year!  I’m looking forward to another wonderful year, too.

Man of the House and I are realizing one of the dreams we had as a young couple:  traveling.  Now, I know some of you that know us well may be laughing at that statement.  Considering that we have been married 32 years and have moved 24 times, lived in 8 different states, and have friends all around the globe, it may seem like we would have had our fill.  We are both explorers at heart, though, and have made it our habit to find out everything we could about every place that we have lived.

I really dislike the term “Empty Nesters.”  It sounds so final.  The fact is, we still enjoy spending time with our children and their families.  Whenever we see something new or amazing, we talk about how much the kids would love this, too.

 Recently, we were in Minnesota enjoying the autumn colors and some of the 10,000 lakes she boasts. Oh, and I also shopped at the Mall of America for the first time. Wow!  Wasn’t that an experience!  So many different people all in one place.  The smiles, the excitement, the fun sounds of the kids on the amusement park rides – I did some people watching. We are certainly a nation of many different people groups. 

What I realized on the plane heading home is that, no matter how much we have already seen, there is still so much more to be experienced.  So many more places to wander, people to meet, and things to do.  Sometimes, the day-to-day can get in the way of our vision. Just when I think this is “how it’s going to be,” Man of the House comes home with another adventure in the wings.

 If I remember correctly, it was his spontaneity and laughter that originally drew my heart to him.  

End of Summer

I have to say, this has been an awesome summer for me.  As much as I love autumn, it is going to be difficult to say goodbye to the summertime of love and family that we’ve been enjoying. 

For the first part of summer, I was able to take our lively 8-year-old granddaughter to see my own mother in another state.  We took my Charger on a trip halfway across the country together, stopping whenever we felt like it, learning things about each other.  I think, for me, the best part was seeing all the things I grew up on in new ways through her eyes.  To see her interact with my Mom was amazing.  Little Bit was so gracious to want to help take care of Grandmom’s needs.    She also got to hang out with her Aunt and Great-Aunts and Uncles and get to know them.  For me, watching a new generation form and take its place in our family fills me with hope and joy. 

This summer, I was also able to spend a lot of time with our grown children.  When Man of the House and I were first married, we decided to start a family early so that now we can enjoy life together with them.  Sitting with Panda while she tells me about her job and her friend’s wedding delights my soul.  Seeing her giving and giving and giving again to those she loves, her family, blesses me and plays a little with the guilt strings in my heart. She fills my soul with grace and joy, and time spent at a poolside picnic table will never be enough, but will have to do for now.

I also spent much quality time with Cowboy. Just to see him growing into manhood amazes me.  His interaction with his own family brings peace and joy to my heart.  His hugs are always so good, all the way to my bones. A perfect day on the lake at the end of summer just made my year. I truly did not want It to end. His Sweet Thing brings out the best in him, which is how it is supposed to be, right? I thank God for her daily, too.  And, oh, yes, there was music! 

Man of the House and I just returned from a vacation to the West Coast where we toured, boated and walked together for four days. We were never more than a mile from the Pacific Ocean.  Such a dreamy time for us; another wish of our honeymooner-selves come true. God has been good to us.

All I ever wanted to be was a wife and mother and to live inside that dream for 32 years and counting is a real blessing from God.  I’m not saying it’s all been beaches and roses, but I’m saying the work, worry, struggles, love and blessings all mixed together are definitely worth another 32 or more years. By the grace of God, I plan to live in every minute He allows.  

Listening to Summer

I’m feeling lazy today, like I just want to sit here with my coffee and listen to summer coming on.  Summer is the season for laziness, isn’t it?  The neighborhood pool is open, the shade trees are full and picnic-ready, and the birds are singing to each other. 

Man of the House has been diligently working on our flowerbeds, redoing the stone around each one.  We were very blessed to move into a beautifully landscaped yard.  Most of the plants are succulents, too, so we haven’t had to worry about upkeep too much. The trees in the backyard are out on the edge of the property, which gives us a big empty yard full of grass for the kids and dogs to enjoy.

As beautiful as it looks from the road, up close we found some issues that needed attention. The felt liner under the ground cover was torn and showing through in all four beds and around the side yards. There were weeds amongst the ground cover and areas that had once had clean edges were now a mix of weeds, grass, and ground cover.  The hostas needed thinning, as well as the irises. Missouri rock that was once a stone path for rain run-off needed to be bulked up.  English Ivy had taken over one corner of the house, which looks beautiful but can bring unwanted guests and hide any problems that need attention in that area. 

Oh so diligently and purposeful, Man of the House made his plan and has worked on it a little each weekend as he can.  We’ve also received a little help from some of “our kids,” which is more than appreciated.  People walk by and remark how nice it looks, even though it was so pretty before. 

I think sometimes in life we have this same experience.  We go along daily, doing our thing, whatever that may be.  We take care of ourselves, we engage in our community, we take care of our responsibilities.  People might praise us and tell us how great we are doing and how nice our life looks.  We take pride in our accomplishments, as we should.  We get busy in doing the big stuff and forget the maintenance involved in keeping up with the little things. Attitudes creep in and we may become hardened to the soft answer.  A closer look would take time, and that is a commodity we just don’t have in abundance. 

And so, as we found with our yard, the “moles” come in.  First just one mole, maybe someone said something negative about a project you helped with at work, and you decide you aren’t going to try that hard next time just to be criticized.  That mole tells his friends, and soon you have a “mole party” in your yard.  You begin to see everything at work through that first offense and now everything at work looks criticized and you begin to gossip about the motives of your bosses or coworkers.  You realize you may have a poor attitude so you decide to look for the good and just do your best.  However, you still harbor those feelings of criticism deep inside.  You fight the complacency that wants to set in until you just can’t fight it anymore. The situation has become too overwhelming.

We treated the mole problem in our yard with a home remedy that seemed to work for a few weeks.  But then, Mr. Mole and his friends came by, just to check on things, and found that the yard was yummy once again.  Someone in your community or family asks a question and that insecurity comes rising up in you and feels criticized once again.  Only now, you feel worse than you did before because you never really took care of the issue the first time.  You only delayed correction.

We had to get a professional involved.  He was kind not to laugh when I told him of the home remedy we tried.  He acknowledged that it could work in some instances, but we had evidence of twelve or more moles tearing up our yard. (I know, right!) They were having way too much fun at our expense.  I had visions of them all coming out in the dark of night and snickering at us as they dug new trenches for us to find in the morning.  Perhaps they even sat around the fire pit and put their feet up.

 

The professional mole guy finished his treatment yesterday.  Now the moles just have to take the bait, all the while snickering at us, until they find they can’t make it back home.  Muahaha!  And that, Mr. Mole, is the circle of life. 

In life, we must ask for help as the deep hurt that sin or something someone has said or done continues to haunt us.  Many times, we may even have to pay a professional to do the deep, hard work with us. 

What I have found that is a much less expensive solution is to keep up with the gardening daily.  Pull a weed when I see it instead of thinking I will do it later.  The first sign of a mole and the pro is called in.  If I read my Bible intentionally each day, talk to God and admit that I need His help and expertise, I can usually fend off the weeds of bad attitudes and wearing my emotions on my sleeve.  With His Word in my heart, I see things differently.  With God’s grace as an example, I am more prepared to give grace to others. 

It’s a matter of diligence. Due diligence.  Stay ahead of the weeds and moles and look at your bad attitudes and say, “Be gone!  In the name of Jesus, you are not a part of MY circle of life!”

Memories

It is deliciously cool outside today; a coffee-on-the-porch kind of day.  Man of the House and I have  lived in so many different climates in our years together, and each place, each home, has had those days when I just want to curl up with a hot drink, a blanket and a really good book. 

It had been twenty years between the time we had left the Desert Southwest and our return.  It surprised me how much I had forgotten about the desert.  The sights, the people, the different cacti, and the smell.  We were blessed to have a deep back porch on our condo where my sweet poodle and I could sit and enjoy the outdoors together, even on a rainy day.  In the South and Midwest (think Kansas), It can rain sideways, in circles, in sheets, and if you are on the porch or deck, you are definitely going to get wet.  However, in the desert, when it rains, it rains straight down. 

I remember that first good rain after our return.  I saw it moving across the desert from the south toward our neighborhood.  I could smell the dust that precedes the storm.  It brought back memories of monsoon season as a child, when we would have to go in the house from playing. Mom might have popped some popcorn and we would play board games or watch TV.  (Remember After School Specials?)  The rain never lasted very long, and with the windows open, we could feel the air cool off almost instantly. But it was the smell AFTER the rain that stayed strongest in my memories. The smell of greasewood and wet earth.  Memories of breathing deeply and smelling that fresh air all the way to my lungs and back.    You can’t bottle that smell. 

As my faithful companion and I sat on our porch the afternoon of that first rain, my mind rushed with memories.  My lungs were so happy to breath the fresh air.  I already had my coffee and a good book, so while the rain lasted, we just enjoyed every second of it.  I didn’t get up to get a sweater; the rain wouldn’t last that long.  I didn’t even warm up my coffee.  I just sat in that deliciously cool moment and thanked God for being so creative as to make even the rain in myriad ways.

And I also gave thanks for the memories. 

Actually written on January 1, 2010

Proverbs 4:20-27

I have thought many times about what legacy I would like to leave for my children. I know that a legacy is so much more than the material things we leave behind. I am blessed to have been given a legacy of loving and knowing God and His Son Jesus Christ. My parents were determined to raise us in a Christian home and I, too, have been given that legacy of determination.

There are so many scriptures that give us encouragement in our spiritual growth--our sanctification. I have considered many for this legacy that I wish to leave. My children are just now in their young adult years, making those life-decisions of career, marriage partner, spiritual depth, etc. Today being January 1st also causes me to reflect on what is "most important" for me to say or leave for these awesome young adults God has placed in my life.

I could tell them about being careful in decisions because each one can take you to a whole different outcome! I could make lists and give them something to check off and measure their growth. I could remind them of their spiritual heritage and exhort them to good deeds. However, as I look through scriptures today, I see one theme standing out: Love the Lord your God. Love for God inspires us to all the other things we "should" do. Love for God focuses on HIM, not me. Love for God makes decisions based on HIS pleasure, not mine. Love for God brings repentance for relationship's sake, not to ease MY guilt.

And so. my dear children, I leave the words of this scripture for you as 2010 begins. Enough said.

Making Lists

I feel like I am sitting on the edge of something. I feel the restlessness that springtime brings; trees are greening, flowers are blossoming, rains come softly on some days and angrily on others. We’re waiting, mostly impatiently, for the days to stay warm and get longer. I feel the need to make a list; is that funny? I’m making a list of all the things that are swimming around in my head, things I want to do before the sun goes down and the leaves fall once more.

• Take a family vaca to Washington DC and the beach
• Take a trip to Savannah
• Spend time with my Mom
• Spend time with my adult children
• Go through the junk in the basement
• Get the basement finished
• Fence the backyard and get Man of the House’s shop building up.
• Spend more time outside than in
• Lose some measurable weight
• Take the kids to the Grand Canyon
• Make all the recipes in one Pioneer Woman Cookbook

Realistically, all of these cannot be done in one season. I have already planned some of these and others are in the works, like the yard changes that Man of the House has been working on. However, as we are planning, dreaming, implementing our ideas, I can’t help but feel like I’m having an out-of-body experience. We’ve been dreaming of having our own home for over 30 years. We’ve dreamed it so much that it seems almost surreal for us to actually be able to do it!

I believe that, at times, we all have dreams and ambitions that we are afraid will stay right there, in the dream box. Like my Pinterest boards, where I have three separate categories for different levels of home pins, we have the things we wish we could do, the things we can do “someday,” and the things we know we can and probably should be doing right now. I also think that procrastination is a response to fear: fear that I can’t really do these things well, or perfectly, or for others to see and criticize, so I procrastinate until it’s too late. Sound familiar?

It has taken me many years of fighting perfectionism that leads to procrastination to realize that it is okay to have list left over at the end of the day. You may have noticed quite a bit of time between today and the date of my last blog post. I took a few years hiatus due to a traumatic brain injury that I suffered. You want to talk about circumstances and experiences that will choke a perfectionist, this would be one. It is quite humbling to be in a situation where you cannot take care of your own personal needs, then to realize there are things you have enjoyed that you may never be able to do again. I know that others have it worse, don’t get me wrong. Change, no matter how life-altering, is difficult for most.

So, back to my list: Spring is coming on, and with it comes the hope of a new view, maybe even a new reality. Hang on, My Friends! By God’s grace, a new future is opening up for me, and I plan to share as much of it with you as is possible. Because, under all of the excuses, the procrastination, and the fear, is just imperfect Me splitting infinitives for posterity, if nothing else.

Letting God Really Lead

Psalm 119:105 keeps coming back to me again and again throughout my life. No kidding! In my five-year-old Sunday School class, we were given 5 verses to memorize in a month and if we did so, we would be given a full-size Bible. I took that challenge, memorized those verses, and still remember them today. One of them was Psalm 119:105: Thy Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. Over the years, I have contemplated that verse many times. What strikes me most is that the lamp and the light are neither one spot lights. A lamp, especially in Biblical times, was an oil lamp, small and carried by hand from room to room. It could only light the small area where it was being held. Even now, to have a lamp in the room serves to light up the corner where it sits. We put a lamp by our bedside so we can read at night, but we do not intend to see clearly what is across the room.

“A light to my path” gives me the idea of a flashlight. The first overnight camp I went to as a youth was in the pines of southern Arizona mountains. The cabins were filled with beds and we had to go outside to the “bathhouse” to take showers and use the restroom. We took flashlights, but at night, the path to the bathhouse was still scary. The only thing that flashlight lit up was the next step we were taking. It did not shine bright enough to let us know if there were bears or other critters out in the trees. (There probably weren’t, but a young girl’s imagination can go wild!)

I have come to realize that no amount of my holding up that lamp or shining that flashlight out into the future is going to give me any more clear understanding of what is “out there” than the flashlight did at camp. What God asks me to do is trust Him for what is next. He shows me the very next step that He has provided for me. As I take that step, in faith, believing that HE IS WHO HE SAYS HE IS: the God Who Sees, He will then show me the next step, and the next, and then the next. And when I get to the end of that path, I will be able to see that HE has been faithful and taken me right where I needed to be!

If I had been able to shine that flashlight into the woods at camp, I may have seen raccoons, coyotes, bears, or even other campers heading in the same direction. I may never have stepped out of my cabin if I knew what was wandering around out there. But instead, I saw only the path to the place I needed to go. In the same way, God shows us only what we can process at the time. He takes care of what is “around” us and reminds us that if it were our business, He would tell us. (John 21:22)

So, the words of that first memory verse chime in with my first favorite hymn: Trust and Obey, for there’s no other way to be happy in Jesus but to Trust and Obey!

Daddy

I already have tears in my eyes when I just say the word, "Daddy." So many memories come sweeping through my mind. I am a visual person, so my thoughts are also pictures, videos if you will, of times I spent with my Daddy. Some memories include sitting on his lap and trying to breath in the same rhythm as he did. I remember him spending countless hours in our front yard trying to grow grass in the hard Arizona desert clay. He was the "cool preacher" that went out and recon-ed amazing day camps for our young people's church group during the summers. I remember two of his three returns from Viet Nam. He looked awesome in his uniforms! I remember that terrible haircut I got just a week before senior pictures and how he let me sit on his lap and cry-again. I like to remember the caring, loving times because I know that above all else, my Daddy loved his children. There were five of us, but he was known to say that he wouldn't give away any of us. He served his country with honor and zeal, he served his Lord Jesus with honor and zeal, and he led his home with honor and zeal.

Was he perfect? I suppose not. I choose not to remember the imperfect times because God was always so evident in his life that any imperfections were covered by grace quickly.

Lately my mind has been really camping on the role of Daddies in our society. I don't watch sit coms for many reasons, but one big reason is the way men are portrayed. Have you noticed? Spineless, whipped, beer-dependent idiots. Men who do stand up for Christ are usually seen as predators or radicals in the media or in shows or movies. With so many absentee fathers out there, it is no wonder our sons are confused about their roles.

Dads, the way you treat your children is going to be their view of the Heavenly Father. Do you understand that? Think about the meaning behind these verses:

“What man among you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!" (Matthew 7:9-11)

It was natural for Jesus to liken the way we see our earthly fathers to the way we can view our heavenly Father.

Consider this: "And fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord," Ephesians 6:4 and "Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so they won’t become discouraged." Colossians 3:21.
It would be a heavy burden to know that your children may have a harder time walking to the cross because of something we have done. Let me ease our guilty minds a little here by saying that this certainly is not referring to one (or a few) moments of out of control-ness. Jesus and Paul are referring to habitual actions that anger children and turn their hearts away from their dads. Out of control tempers, alcoholism, neglect, passive fathering, spiritual dehydration, emotional distance, you fill in the blanks.

My Daddy was not a perfect man. If he were still here, he would tell you this himself. But he was known for trying to serve Christ each day, each moment, of his adult life. He sought out the Lord and His ways, and in Dad's imperfection, he paved the way for his children to seek that same Lord. I have had the blessing of returning as an adult to some of the places he pastored when I was a child. People have told me:
"I still have notes in my Bible from your Dad's sermons."
"What I know about Scripture, I learned from your Dad."
"I still remember the things he taught us in Mission Workshop."
"All the sermons Granddad ever preached are right up there on that shelf."

The enemy of our souls really wants to take our families and make them into something different from God's plan because then it will be harder for our children and grandchildren to find Christ and eternal life. Take it seriously! I am SO GLAD my Daddy did! I hope my heart beats in time with his...and HIS.

Text: Fanny J. Crosby
Music: William J. Kirkpatrick



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A wonderful Savior is Jesus my Lord,
A wonderful Savior to me;
He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock,
Where rivers of pleasure I see.

He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock
That shadows a dry, thirsty land;
He hideth my life with the depths of His love,
And covers me there with His hand,
And covers me there with His hand.

A wonderful Savior is Jesus my Lord,
He taketh my burden away;
He holdeth me up, and I shall not be moved,
He giveth me strength as my day.

He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock
That shadows a dry, thirsty land;
He hideth my life with the depths of His love,
And covers me there with His hand,
And covers me there with His hand.

With numberless blessings each moment He crowns,
And filled with His fullness divine,
I sing in my rapture, oh, glory to God
For such a Redeemer as mine!

He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock
That shadows a dry, thirsty land;
He hideth my life with the depths of His love,
And covers me there with His hand,
And covers me there with His hand.

When clothed in His brightness, transported I rise
To meet Him in clouds of the sky,
His perfect salvation, His wonderful love
I'll shout with the millions on high.

He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock
That shadows a dry, thirsty land;
He hideth my life with the depths of His love,
And covers me there with His hand,
And covers me there with His hand.

Lord Jesus

As I lay my head down to sleep a couple nights ago, I began to say my prayer like I always do as I drift off at night. I give God the last few moments of my day and all my cares and concerns, my thoughts about the day just completed, and my thanks for blessings and grace go into our final discussion of the day. I have found that I sleep much better when I drift off listening to His replies.

So, this night, I began like always, "Lord Jesus..." and my thoughts just came to a stand-still. It was as if He was saying, "Yes? I'm here..." And He led me in a discussion about what I was saying every night in that simple greeting.

First, I call to Him as Lord. The first dictionary definition says Lord is a noun that means "a person who has authority, control, or power over others; a master, chief, or ruler." As I thought about my Lord, I realized that it has been just recently, within the last 7 years as a matter of fact, that I have actually given God the Lordship over my life. I trusted Him as my Savior a long time ago, and once in a while, I would give Him temporary charge over my life, but it was too easy for me to take back control or authority and try to find a better way on my own. Until my "better ways" turned to "bitter ways" and I finally realized that only by letting God have complete control of my life, letting Him be Lord, would I find true release.

It's called submission: not a very contemporary idea, but nonetheless, necessary toward maturity. At the end of each day, by addressing my Lord, I am reminding myself and reaffirming with Him that He is the Lord of my life. Phillipians 3:12-16 "Not that I have already reached the goal or am already fully mature, but I make every effort to take hold of it because I also have been taken hold of by Christ Jesus. Brothers, I do not yet consider myself to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead, I pursue as my goal the prize promised by God’s heavenly call in Christ Jesus. Therefore, all who are mature should think this way. And if you think differently about anything, God will reveal this to you also. In any case, we should live up to whatever truth we have attained." Once I realized the freedom in submission to Jesus as my Lord, I have desired to bracket each day in recognition of this truth.

After acknowledging my Lord, I call Him by name: Jesus. As I lay there that night, I found myself overwhelmed with all that the name of Jesus means to me. Since I was a small child, I have loved Jesus. He has been my friend, my confidante, my teacher, the lover of my soul (even when I didn't). He chases away fear, evil, doubt, and guilt just by the saying of his name. Jesus is the specific, unique, only Son of God (John 3:16). He is The Way to reconciliation with the Father (John 14:6). Jesus is strength when I am weak to do the things He asks me to do (2 Corinthians 12:9, Philippians 4:13).

Jesus is the One Who commissioned me, called me to ministry. Whatever form that ministry takes, in whatever season my life is in, I answer the call because of my love for Him. When I consider all that He has carried me through, all that He has shown me, the things we have faced with grace because He was leading, I have no other choice but to serve Him. John 14: 21 & 23, "The one who has My commands and keeps them is the one who loves Me. And the one who loves Me will be loved by My Father. I also will love him and will reveal Myself to him. Jesus answered, “If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word. My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him."

So, one night, not so long ago, I addressed my prayer to "My Lord, Jesus," and He replied, "Enough said."

Walking As a Freed Man

Moral Failure: What Now?

When people fall into moral failure, they have two choices. They can remain in their sin or they can repent and climb out. I’m noticing a trend in the Christian community these days to not only stay in that sin but to allow even more sin to enter. I’ve been curious as to why this is happening and what I have observed is disturbing.

Whether they like to admit it or not, many Christians are legalistic. We have a certain set of rules that we feel we should live by and for the most part, if we follow these “rules” we feel we are “okay.” But if just one of these “rules” is broken, we justify it with the covering of grace and let sin have it’s foothold.
We also have given sin degrees. Some sins we see as “bigger” than others. Visual sins we hold at a very high degree—sexual sins, relationship sins, sins of commission. You know, the sins we warn our youth to stay away from: premarital sex, divorce, adultery, etc. I’m sure you could add to the list. My point is that when a legalist sins, he or she tends to wallow in the failure. The way I see it, this is a very self-centered reaction.

Legalism is self-centered, though. The Pharisees were legalistic and we know how Jesus chastised them. When we focus on the sin, we are placing our efforts in the wrong direction. When we focus on our involvement or on our allowing the sin to enter our lives, we are being self-centered. Rather than making our sin list and checking it twice a day, our focus is supposed to be directed on God. No additions to that. Watch:

Luke 10:27: “Jesus answered: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.”

I see nothing in there about a list of rules. I see no if-then clauses. I am not saying that sin is unimportant, but focusing on it is the opposite of what we have been told to do. I propose that if we focus on loving God with all we have, sin will not be allowed to enter our hearts. Will we never sin? You know better than that. But again, when we focus on God and not ourselves, the sin will be noticed early, seen as something ugly to get rid of, and left behind.

So you have fallen into moral sin. Focus on God and deal with it as you must. If your sin involves someone else, you still have to focus on God and take care of that relationship. He will lead you and hopefully the other person involved into repentance. If the other person doesn’t repent, you are not “off the hook” or “out of favor” with God and thus free to continue in sin or add to it with a new sin.

I am just processing what I am seeing in the Christian world today. I do not want to sound dogmatic or uncompassionate. However, when we stand before God, He will deal with how we were obedient to His call and our “He did this” or “She did that” will not be accepted as an excuse for sin. We stand alone before our God—how did we deal with our sin? 1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sin, HE is faithful and just to forgive us our sin and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Would you be described as “Condemned man walking” or “Cleansed man walking” ?

For Better or For Worse

Twenty-four years ago, I stood facing Mark in front of our families and friends and God and made some promises. At the time, I really had only a surface idea of what I was promising. Both of us were in Christ and were inviting Him to be a part of our union, and over these years, when the promises get a little fuzzy, Christ brings them back to our memory. I can't help but wonder if we had known what we were gettiing into, if we would have been so quick to jump! You may laugh, and we are certainly more "in love" with each other today than then. But I want to examine those promises a little today.



I, Rebecca Louise Sullivan, do, this day, take Donald Mark Henkel to be my lawfully wedded husband:



This one is pretty specific about who although not so much "what." Being in Christ, I was promising to let Mark lead our home and family, spiritually as well as physically. I've not always been good at this, but with the help of the Holy Spirit, I am doing better (I hope!).



To Love, Honor, and Cherish him:



I promised to place him above ALL others in my affection and attention, including any children that may come along. To speak well of him and build him up. To desire to spend time with him and to value those times above any other activity. To forgive his faults quickly and to forget them completely. There is a lot of 1 Corinthians 13 in this phrase! Sometimes I have had to DECIDE to honor this promise, guarding my tongue and my heart through God's strength. Philippians 4:13



For better or for worse:



I believe this is the one that people tend to throw out when the times get rough. Just how much "worse" are we to endure? There is no stipulation in this promise. However, I DID vow this before God and His people, so even though people, meaning well, may tell me that a circumstance is worthy of "backing out of a promise," I must answer to the God who leads us and "stick it out." Of course, this does not preclude counseling, medical attention, or any other means to make the "worse" into a "better." In these instances, I try to remember that the Fruit of the Holy Spirit in me includes perseverance and HE is the ONE that produces this part of the fruit in me.

For richer or for poorer:

We think we know what this means, but take a good look at that phrase. Why would we need to promise to love, honor, and cherish in rich times? It seems that would be easy. I see this as distracted times. In our mid-lives--the 30's, 40's, and 50's--we can get caught up in building our homes and careers and forget the purpose of the career in the first place: our family. We can get distracted by ball games, routines, schedules, calendars, and forget to take the time to love, honor, and cherish our spouse. And in poorer times, again we can be distracted by the troubles, the struggles and place guilt and shame on each other quickly instead of loving, honoring, and cherishing until the hard times have passed. Just remember, once the kids are grown, they will leave our homes and then it will be just "He and Me" again!

In sickness and in health:

Must we be reminded of the selflessness of sitting by the side of our sick loved ones? If it were just when he has a cold or the flu, okay I can take seven sick days. What if he gets a long-term illness, a mental disorder, an emotional illness? What if I am sick and can't be the wife I want to be? The joy of the Lord is my strength! I do not need to be in a constant state of happiness to feel joy in obedience to Christ and in standing by the side of this one I loved enough to marry. Again, this does not preclude counseling and medical attention.

Til death do us part!

And the timing of which is not up to me! (That was a little joke.) How long is a life? Today the experts tell us we may live well into our 80's. Each year brings us new challenges and new rewards. Our bodies become our adversaries as they age, it seems. Aches, loss of strength, gravity takes over where you wish it would stay out of your business! However, when I look at my husband, I still see that young 20-year-old cowboy walking down the mall at our college. He can still take my breath away when he sings or plays the piano. I pray for his health and safety every day because I want to see his face next to mine in pictures for a very long time!

God makes promises and He keeps them and His example is what we are to emulate. Is it easy for God to love me with an everlasting love? I must say that without God being involved in our marriages, it is impossible to keep ANY of these promises! I am speaking directly to you who say you belong to Christ: It is a trap for anyone to dedicate something rashly and later to reconsider his vows. Proverbs 20:25

So, as we live in this world, let us not become of this world and take our vows so loosely! Christians, let's bring the glory due our God by staying together and loving, honoring and cherishing til death do us part!

Sabbatical or Shmita

By the seventh day, God completed His work that He had done, and He rested on the seventh day from all His work that He had done. 3 God blessed the seventh day and declared it holy, for on it He rested from His work of creation. Genesis 2:2-3

In six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, but on the seventh day He rested and was refreshed. Exodus 31:17b

I am a doer. I keep a DayPlanner on purpose. I set alarms so I won't miss appointments. "Busy" is not a bad word in my vocabulary, but can almost be refreshing for me! So why am I sitting here, day after day, doing "nothing." There have been weeks when I have not opened my DayPlanner or looked at the calendar at all. If I am gifted and called and about My Father's business, how can I justify "sitting around."

I recently read The Empty Nest by Barbara Rainey and Susan Yates. I had picked it up at a conference almost a year ago knowing that this term would soon characterize my life. I did NOT know at the time that instead of my children leaving the nest, I would in a sense "abandon" the nest by moving 850 miles away from my children! This sudden move also took me away from a very involved ministry and a career I was fully enjoying.

Wanting to help, my dear husband has suggested that I just need to get involved in something to get "back on track." To do some of those things I had been doing only in our new city. However, after reading The Empty Nest, I got a sense of God telling me to stop; take a break; be still (which I found out Sunday means "drop your hands" literally). I joined a Ladies' Bible study group this fall and there were opportunities there that I could well qualify for, from leading small groups, to teaching, to tutoring home schooled teens. And as I considered each, I again heard that Voice saying, "Be still for this time."

I was intrigued that when researching the term "sabbatical" that it actually is rooted in the Biblical concept of Sabbath. I was sent to the term "Shmita" and discovered this: Shmita in Hebrew translates "release." During Shmita, the land is left to lie fallow and all agricultural activity—including plowing, planting, pruning and harvesting—is forbidden by Torah law. Other cultivation techniques—such as watering, fertilizing, weeding, spraying, trimming and mowing—may be performed as a preventative measure only, not to improve the growth of trees or plants. Additionally, any fruits which grow of their own accord are deemed hefker (ownerless) and may be picked by anyone. A variety of laws also apply to the sale, consumption and disposal of Shmita produce. A second aspect of Shmita concerns debts and loans. When the Shmita year ends, personal debts are considered nullified and forgiven. The Book of Leviticus promises bountiful harvests to those who observe the shmita and makes observance a test of religious faith. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shmita)

Having been around agriculture my entire life, I understand what this is talking about. I get it! All agricultural activity is forbidden except that which is performed as preventative measures. For me, this means I can--and should!--attend worship services, Bible study, outings with friends, dates with my husband, visits with my mother, time in conversation and consultation with my children. These would all be preventative measures: those things I do to prevent the evil one from getting a foothold in my life and in the lives of those I hold dear. (No weeds!)

However plowing, planting, pruning, and harvesting are to be put aside for a time. For me, these are discipling responsibilities. Since my prominent Spiritual Gift is Teaching, I am to take a Shmita from teaching. This is my year to learn. To really set aside time just to sit at the feet of Jesus and learn. Rest in Him.

My last blog talked about Busy Christians--what are we busy "doing." I still hold to the thought that we are to be doers of the Word and not hearers only. But to be a proper "doer" I have to allow myself a Sabbath to rest and prepare for the time ahead. I will not stop preventative care, but I WILL be obedient to Shmita. I will not volunteer to lead a study, add another responsibility to my plate, until my Shmita year is over.

The interesting thing to me is that we know this time in El Paso is set for a year. That's right. We are not sure where the next place on our life road will take us, but I do know that when this year ends, I will be rested and refreshed and ready for whatever work comes next. Whether we return to our children or are taken to a new place, Shmita will be over and my time to plow, plant, prune, and harvest will begin again.

The promise of Shmita is bountiful harvests to those who observe the Shmita and make observance a test of religious faith.

My prayer today is that my Shmita year will be all that God designed it to be; that I will pay attention to His Words and to His refreshing grace in my life. And as my Shmita comes to an end, I will be prepared, even eagerly waiting to see what my next assignment is!

May God's refreshing Word be alive in your heart this day!