Making Lists

I feel like I am sitting on the edge of something. I feel the restlessness that springtime brings; trees are greening, flowers are blossoming, rains come softly on some days and angrily on others. We’re waiting, mostly impatiently, for the days to stay warm and get longer. I feel the need to make a list; is that funny? I’m making a list of all the things that are swimming around in my head, things I want to do before the sun goes down and the leaves fall once more.

• Take a family vaca to Washington DC and the beach
• Take a trip to Savannah
• Spend time with my Mom
• Spend time with my adult children
• Go through the junk in the basement
• Get the basement finished
• Fence the backyard and get Man of the House’s shop building up.
• Spend more time outside than in
• Lose some measurable weight
• Take the kids to the Grand Canyon
• Make all the recipes in one Pioneer Woman Cookbook

Realistically, all of these cannot be done in one season. I have already planned some of these and others are in the works, like the yard changes that Man of the House has been working on. However, as we are planning, dreaming, implementing our ideas, I can’t help but feel like I’m having an out-of-body experience. We’ve been dreaming of having our own home for over 30 years. We’ve dreamed it so much that it seems almost surreal for us to actually be able to do it!

I believe that, at times, we all have dreams and ambitions that we are afraid will stay right there, in the dream box. Like my Pinterest boards, where I have three separate categories for different levels of home pins, we have the things we wish we could do, the things we can do “someday,” and the things we know we can and probably should be doing right now. I also think that procrastination is a response to fear: fear that I can’t really do these things well, or perfectly, or for others to see and criticize, so I procrastinate until it’s too late. Sound familiar?

It has taken me many years of fighting perfectionism that leads to procrastination to realize that it is okay to have list left over at the end of the day. You may have noticed quite a bit of time between today and the date of my last blog post. I took a few years hiatus due to a traumatic brain injury that I suffered. You want to talk about circumstances and experiences that will choke a perfectionist, this would be one. It is quite humbling to be in a situation where you cannot take care of your own personal needs, then to realize there are things you have enjoyed that you may never be able to do again. I know that others have it worse, don’t get me wrong. Change, no matter how life-altering, is difficult for most.

So, back to my list: Spring is coming on, and with it comes the hope of a new view, maybe even a new reality. Hang on, My Friends! By God’s grace, a new future is opening up for me, and I plan to share as much of it with you as is possible. Because, under all of the excuses, the procrastination, and the fear, is just imperfect Me splitting infinitives for posterity, if nothing else.

Letting God Really Lead

Psalm 119:105 keeps coming back to me again and again throughout my life. No kidding! In my five-year-old Sunday School class, we were given 5 verses to memorize in a month and if we did so, we would be given a full-size Bible. I took that challenge, memorized those verses, and still remember them today. One of them was Psalm 119:105: Thy Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. Over the years, I have contemplated that verse many times. What strikes me most is that the lamp and the light are neither one spot lights. A lamp, especially in Biblical times, was an oil lamp, small and carried by hand from room to room. It could only light the small area where it was being held. Even now, to have a lamp in the room serves to light up the corner where it sits. We put a lamp by our bedside so we can read at night, but we do not intend to see clearly what is across the room.

“A light to my path” gives me the idea of a flashlight. The first overnight camp I went to as a youth was in the pines of southern Arizona mountains. The cabins were filled with beds and we had to go outside to the “bathhouse” to take showers and use the restroom. We took flashlights, but at night, the path to the bathhouse was still scary. The only thing that flashlight lit up was the next step we were taking. It did not shine bright enough to let us know if there were bears or other critters out in the trees. (There probably weren’t, but a young girl’s imagination can go wild!)

I have come to realize that no amount of my holding up that lamp or shining that flashlight out into the future is going to give me any more clear understanding of what is “out there” than the flashlight did at camp. What God asks me to do is trust Him for what is next. He shows me the very next step that He has provided for me. As I take that step, in faith, believing that HE IS WHO HE SAYS HE IS: the God Who Sees, He will then show me the next step, and the next, and then the next. And when I get to the end of that path, I will be able to see that HE has been faithful and taken me right where I needed to be!

If I had been able to shine that flashlight into the woods at camp, I may have seen raccoons, coyotes, bears, or even other campers heading in the same direction. I may never have stepped out of my cabin if I knew what was wandering around out there. But instead, I saw only the path to the place I needed to go. In the same way, God shows us only what we can process at the time. He takes care of what is “around” us and reminds us that if it were our business, He would tell us. (John 21:22)

So, the words of that first memory verse chime in with my first favorite hymn: Trust and Obey, for there’s no other way to be happy in Jesus but to Trust and Obey!

Daddy

I already have tears in my eyes when I just say the word, "Daddy." So many memories come sweeping through my mind. I am a visual person, so my thoughts are also pictures, videos if you will, of times I spent with my Daddy. Some memories include sitting on his lap and trying to breath in the same rhythm as he did. I remember him spending countless hours in our front yard trying to grow grass in the hard Arizona desert clay. He was the "cool preacher" that went out and recon-ed amazing day camps for our young people's church group during the summers. I remember two of his three returns from Viet Nam. He looked awesome in his uniforms! I remember that terrible haircut I got just a week before senior pictures and how he let me sit on his lap and cry-again. I like to remember the caring, loving times because I know that above all else, my Daddy loved his children. There were five of us, but he was known to say that he wouldn't give away any of us. He served his country with honor and zeal, he served his Lord Jesus with honor and zeal, and he led his home with honor and zeal.

Was he perfect? I suppose not. I choose not to remember the imperfect times because God was always so evident in his life that any imperfections were covered by grace quickly.

Lately my mind has been really camping on the role of Daddies in our society. I don't watch sit coms for many reasons, but one big reason is the way men are portrayed. Have you noticed? Spineless, whipped, beer-dependent idiots. Men who do stand up for Christ are usually seen as predators or radicals in the media or in shows or movies. With so many absentee fathers out there, it is no wonder our sons are confused about their roles.

Dads, the way you treat your children is going to be their view of the Heavenly Father. Do you understand that? Think about the meaning behind these verses:

“What man among you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!" (Matthew 7:9-11)

It was natural for Jesus to liken the way we see our earthly fathers to the way we can view our heavenly Father.

Consider this: "And fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord," Ephesians 6:4 and "Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so they won’t become discouraged." Colossians 3:21.
It would be a heavy burden to know that your children may have a harder time walking to the cross because of something we have done. Let me ease our guilty minds a little here by saying that this certainly is not referring to one (or a few) moments of out of control-ness. Jesus and Paul are referring to habitual actions that anger children and turn their hearts away from their dads. Out of control tempers, alcoholism, neglect, passive fathering, spiritual dehydration, emotional distance, you fill in the blanks.

My Daddy was not a perfect man. If he were still here, he would tell you this himself. But he was known for trying to serve Christ each day, each moment, of his adult life. He sought out the Lord and His ways, and in Dad's imperfection, he paved the way for his children to seek that same Lord. I have had the blessing of returning as an adult to some of the places he pastored when I was a child. People have told me:
"I still have notes in my Bible from your Dad's sermons."
"What I know about Scripture, I learned from your Dad."
"I still remember the things he taught us in Mission Workshop."
"All the sermons Granddad ever preached are right up there on that shelf."

The enemy of our souls really wants to take our families and make them into something different from God's plan because then it will be harder for our children and grandchildren to find Christ and eternal life. Take it seriously! I am SO GLAD my Daddy did! I hope my heart beats in time with his...and HIS.

Text: Fanny J. Crosby
Music: William J. Kirkpatrick



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A wonderful Savior is Jesus my Lord,
A wonderful Savior to me;
He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock,
Where rivers of pleasure I see.

He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock
That shadows a dry, thirsty land;
He hideth my life with the depths of His love,
And covers me there with His hand,
And covers me there with His hand.

A wonderful Savior is Jesus my Lord,
He taketh my burden away;
He holdeth me up, and I shall not be moved,
He giveth me strength as my day.

He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock
That shadows a dry, thirsty land;
He hideth my life with the depths of His love,
And covers me there with His hand,
And covers me there with His hand.

With numberless blessings each moment He crowns,
And filled with His fullness divine,
I sing in my rapture, oh, glory to God
For such a Redeemer as mine!

He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock
That shadows a dry, thirsty land;
He hideth my life with the depths of His love,
And covers me there with His hand,
And covers me there with His hand.

When clothed in His brightness, transported I rise
To meet Him in clouds of the sky,
His perfect salvation, His wonderful love
I'll shout with the millions on high.

He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock
That shadows a dry, thirsty land;
He hideth my life with the depths of His love,
And covers me there with His hand,
And covers me there with His hand.

Lord Jesus

As I lay my head down to sleep a couple nights ago, I began to say my prayer like I always do as I drift off at night. I give God the last few moments of my day and all my cares and concerns, my thoughts about the day just completed, and my thanks for blessings and grace go into our final discussion of the day. I have found that I sleep much better when I drift off listening to His replies.

So, this night, I began like always, "Lord Jesus..." and my thoughts just came to a stand-still. It was as if He was saying, "Yes? I'm here..." And He led me in a discussion about what I was saying every night in that simple greeting.

First, I call to Him as Lord. The first dictionary definition says Lord is a noun that means "a person who has authority, control, or power over others; a master, chief, or ruler." As I thought about my Lord, I realized that it has been just recently, within the last 7 years as a matter of fact, that I have actually given God the Lordship over my life. I trusted Him as my Savior a long time ago, and once in a while, I would give Him temporary charge over my life, but it was too easy for me to take back control or authority and try to find a better way on my own. Until my "better ways" turned to "bitter ways" and I finally realized that only by letting God have complete control of my life, letting Him be Lord, would I find true release.

It's called submission: not a very contemporary idea, but nonetheless, necessary toward maturity. At the end of each day, by addressing my Lord, I am reminding myself and reaffirming with Him that He is the Lord of my life. Phillipians 3:12-16 "Not that I have already reached the goal or am already fully mature, but I make every effort to take hold of it because I also have been taken hold of by Christ Jesus. Brothers, I do not yet consider myself to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead, I pursue as my goal the prize promised by God’s heavenly call in Christ Jesus. Therefore, all who are mature should think this way. And if you think differently about anything, God will reveal this to you also. In any case, we should live up to whatever truth we have attained." Once I realized the freedom in submission to Jesus as my Lord, I have desired to bracket each day in recognition of this truth.

After acknowledging my Lord, I call Him by name: Jesus. As I lay there that night, I found myself overwhelmed with all that the name of Jesus means to me. Since I was a small child, I have loved Jesus. He has been my friend, my confidante, my teacher, the lover of my soul (even when I didn't). He chases away fear, evil, doubt, and guilt just by the saying of his name. Jesus is the specific, unique, only Son of God (John 3:16). He is The Way to reconciliation with the Father (John 14:6). Jesus is strength when I am weak to do the things He asks me to do (2 Corinthians 12:9, Philippians 4:13).

Jesus is the One Who commissioned me, called me to ministry. Whatever form that ministry takes, in whatever season my life is in, I answer the call because of my love for Him. When I consider all that He has carried me through, all that He has shown me, the things we have faced with grace because He was leading, I have no other choice but to serve Him. John 14: 21 & 23, "The one who has My commands and keeps them is the one who loves Me. And the one who loves Me will be loved by My Father. I also will love him and will reveal Myself to him. Jesus answered, “If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word. My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him."

So, one night, not so long ago, I addressed my prayer to "My Lord, Jesus," and He replied, "Enough said."

Walking As a Freed Man

Moral Failure: What Now?

When people fall into moral failure, they have two choices. They can remain in their sin or they can repent and climb out. I’m noticing a trend in the Christian community these days to not only stay in that sin but to allow even more sin to enter. I’ve been curious as to why this is happening and what I have observed is disturbing.

Whether they like to admit it or not, many Christians are legalistic. We have a certain set of rules that we feel we should live by and for the most part, if we follow these “rules” we feel we are “okay.” But if just one of these “rules” is broken, we justify it with the covering of grace and let sin have it’s foothold.
We also have given sin degrees. Some sins we see as “bigger” than others. Visual sins we hold at a very high degree—sexual sins, relationship sins, sins of commission. You know, the sins we warn our youth to stay away from: premarital sex, divorce, adultery, etc. I’m sure you could add to the list. My point is that when a legalist sins, he or she tends to wallow in the failure. The way I see it, this is a very self-centered reaction.

Legalism is self-centered, though. The Pharisees were legalistic and we know how Jesus chastised them. When we focus on the sin, we are placing our efforts in the wrong direction. When we focus on our involvement or on our allowing the sin to enter our lives, we are being self-centered. Rather than making our sin list and checking it twice a day, our focus is supposed to be directed on God. No additions to that. Watch:

Luke 10:27: “Jesus answered: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.”

I see nothing in there about a list of rules. I see no if-then clauses. I am not saying that sin is unimportant, but focusing on it is the opposite of what we have been told to do. I propose that if we focus on loving God with all we have, sin will not be allowed to enter our hearts. Will we never sin? You know better than that. But again, when we focus on God and not ourselves, the sin will be noticed early, seen as something ugly to get rid of, and left behind.

So you have fallen into moral sin. Focus on God and deal with it as you must. If your sin involves someone else, you still have to focus on God and take care of that relationship. He will lead you and hopefully the other person involved into repentance. If the other person doesn’t repent, you are not “off the hook” or “out of favor” with God and thus free to continue in sin or add to it with a new sin.

I am just processing what I am seeing in the Christian world today. I do not want to sound dogmatic or uncompassionate. However, when we stand before God, He will deal with how we were obedient to His call and our “He did this” or “She did that” will not be accepted as an excuse for sin. We stand alone before our God—how did we deal with our sin? 1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sin, HE is faithful and just to forgive us our sin and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Would you be described as “Condemned man walking” or “Cleansed man walking” ?

For Better or For Worse

Twenty-four years ago, I stood facing Mark in front of our families and friends and God and made some promises. At the time, I really had only a surface idea of what I was promising. Both of us were in Christ and were inviting Him to be a part of our union, and over these years, when the promises get a little fuzzy, Christ brings them back to our memory. I can't help but wonder if we had known what we were gettiing into, if we would have been so quick to jump! You may laugh, and we are certainly more "in love" with each other today than then. But I want to examine those promises a little today.



I, Rebecca Louise Sullivan, do, this day, take Donald Mark Henkel to be my lawfully wedded husband:



This one is pretty specific about who although not so much "what." Being in Christ, I was promising to let Mark lead our home and family, spiritually as well as physically. I've not always been good at this, but with the help of the Holy Spirit, I am doing better (I hope!).



To Love, Honor, and Cherish him:



I promised to place him above ALL others in my affection and attention, including any children that may come along. To speak well of him and build him up. To desire to spend time with him and to value those times above any other activity. To forgive his faults quickly and to forget them completely. There is a lot of 1 Corinthians 13 in this phrase! Sometimes I have had to DECIDE to honor this promise, guarding my tongue and my heart through God's strength. Philippians 4:13



For better or for worse:



I believe this is the one that people tend to throw out when the times get rough. Just how much "worse" are we to endure? There is no stipulation in this promise. However, I DID vow this before God and His people, so even though people, meaning well, may tell me that a circumstance is worthy of "backing out of a promise," I must answer to the God who leads us and "stick it out." Of course, this does not preclude counseling, medical attention, or any other means to make the "worse" into a "better." In these instances, I try to remember that the Fruit of the Holy Spirit in me includes perseverance and HE is the ONE that produces this part of the fruit in me.

For richer or for poorer:

We think we know what this means, but take a good look at that phrase. Why would we need to promise to love, honor, and cherish in rich times? It seems that would be easy. I see this as distracted times. In our mid-lives--the 30's, 40's, and 50's--we can get caught up in building our homes and careers and forget the purpose of the career in the first place: our family. We can get distracted by ball games, routines, schedules, calendars, and forget to take the time to love, honor, and cherish our spouse. And in poorer times, again we can be distracted by the troubles, the struggles and place guilt and shame on each other quickly instead of loving, honoring, and cherishing until the hard times have passed. Just remember, once the kids are grown, they will leave our homes and then it will be just "He and Me" again!

In sickness and in health:

Must we be reminded of the selflessness of sitting by the side of our sick loved ones? If it were just when he has a cold or the flu, okay I can take seven sick days. What if he gets a long-term illness, a mental disorder, an emotional illness? What if I am sick and can't be the wife I want to be? The joy of the Lord is my strength! I do not need to be in a constant state of happiness to feel joy in obedience to Christ and in standing by the side of this one I loved enough to marry. Again, this does not preclude counseling and medical attention.

Til death do us part!

And the timing of which is not up to me! (That was a little joke.) How long is a life? Today the experts tell us we may live well into our 80's. Each year brings us new challenges and new rewards. Our bodies become our adversaries as they age, it seems. Aches, loss of strength, gravity takes over where you wish it would stay out of your business! However, when I look at my husband, I still see that young 20-year-old cowboy walking down the mall at our college. He can still take my breath away when he sings or plays the piano. I pray for his health and safety every day because I want to see his face next to mine in pictures for a very long time!

God makes promises and He keeps them and His example is what we are to emulate. Is it easy for God to love me with an everlasting love? I must say that without God being involved in our marriages, it is impossible to keep ANY of these promises! I am speaking directly to you who say you belong to Christ: It is a trap for anyone to dedicate something rashly and later to reconsider his vows. Proverbs 20:25

So, as we live in this world, let us not become of this world and take our vows so loosely! Christians, let's bring the glory due our God by staying together and loving, honoring and cherishing til death do us part!